The matching sock to every sock in the mismatch pile…my favorite T-shirt from 2007…a ten-dollar bill and four pennies…it’s amazing the things you discover when your washer’s on the blink. Mine’s been out of commission for a week. Diagnosis: kaput motor, according to the repairman who lifted the washer off the ground to inspect the drain while I closed my eyes and prayed to heaven a dirty bra wasn’t crumpled up underneath.

But it’s not just the long-lost stuff underneath the washer. A malfunctioning washer reveals other interesting tidbits, too. Like the lengths you’ll go to avoid visiting a laundromat. Today, for example, I’m wearing a dirty tank top I found at the bottom of the laundry mountain on my bedroom floor and socks dotted with kittens poking their noses out of Christmas stockings. (I figure both will be hidden under other garments, and my track record with men lately means they’ll stay that way.)

Then there are the hidden jewels inside my closet and drawers, unearthed after years of dormancy behind my Favorite Clothes. The cotton sundress from Target with the tag still on it because I was too lazy to try it on at the store and too lazy to return it once I got home and realized I couldn’t pull it over my chest. (Got it from the teen department.)

And all those skinny jeans I’m saving for the day I implement that diet and exercise plan posted on my fridge (just beneath the coupons for holiday Hershey’s Kisses). Grunt…oomph…nope, still can’t button them.

And the tablecloth-fabric plaid wraparound skirt and floral leggings from my college days that could come back in style, you just wait, and, anyway, the Smithsonian might pay me a bundle for them one day to include in its 1994 Room.

And all my summer sweaters I still haven’t moved to the back of the closet even though it’s fall, and all my fall sweaters at the back of the closet hidden by the summer sweaters.

Ooh! And that crocheted shawl I really like. I forgot I owned this! I wrap it over my dirty tank top (hmmm…starting to smell a bit) and go to let in the washer repair guy with my shiny new motor.